Letting Go of Perfection in Parenting

Giving your child what they really need

Parenting today can feel overwhelming. We want to give our kids the best possible childhood, protect their happiness, and break cycles we may have grown up with. But in trying so hard to get it right, many parents are haunted by anxiety. “What if I’m doing this wrong?” “What if this is what they remember most?” These thoughts are incredibly common, especially for parents trying to do things differently than their own families did.

As a child therapist in San Luis Obispo, I often remind parents that kids don’t need perfect. They need consistent love, safety, and emotional availability. One hard moment or one argument will not define your child. It’s the pattern over time that matters. When you mess up, do you take responsibility? When your child is struggling, can you offer calm instead of control? These are the building blocks of secure attachment.

Attachment grows from knowing someone will show up again and again. And for many parents working through their own generational trauma, this kind of showing up may be brand new. If you were raised to hide emotions or “be tough,” it might feel unnatural to sit with your child through their sadness, anger, or fear. But each time you do, you’re offering them something different and healing part of yourself along the way.

Millennial parents, in particular, are under immense pressure. Social media, financial stress, and cultural expectations all feed a sense of never doing enough. It’s no wonder so many parents feel like they’re. But the truth is, when you care this much, you're already showing up in powerful ways.

In my practice, I use child therapy and play therapy to support kids’ emotional growth, while working closely with parents. Whether it’s learning how to set boundaries with empathy, understanding your child’s nervous system, or simply talking through your own upbringing, therapy can help you feel more grounded and confident.

You don’t have to be calm all the time or get everything right. You just have to keep coming back. If you're worried or unsure, that means you care. And that’s more than enough to start building a strong, secure relationship with your child.

If you’re looking for support, I offer play therapy, parent support, and family therapy as a child therapist on the Central Coast. You're not alone and you don't have to do this perfectly to do it well.

References

Child Mind Institute. (n.d.). How to avoid passing anxiety on to your kids. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-avoid-passing-anxiety-on-to-your-kids/

Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago. (2023, October 10). Millennial parenting: The stats behind the stress. https://www.luriechildrens.org/en/blog/millennial-parenting-statistics/

Psychology Today. (2022, April 12). Am I screwing up my kids? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/family-prep/202204/am-i-screwing-my-kids

Psychology Today. (2024, April 4). Speaking to millennial moms’ anxiety. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/well-read/202404/speaking-to-millennial-moms-anxiety

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the Surgeon General. (2023). Surgeon General’s Advisory: Supporting the mental health of children and youth. https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/reports-and-publications/parents/index.html