Back-to-School Anxiety
Helping Your Child Feel Ready and Supported
Back-to-school season can bring a mix of emotions. For some kids, it’s all about new backpacks and fresh pencils. But for others, it comes with tummy aches, tears, and lots of worry. As a child therapist in San Luis Obispo, I’ve had so many parents ask me how to help their kids manage the anxiety that can bubble up when school starts again. The good news is there’s a lot we can do to support them.
What Causes School Anxiety?
School anxiety can show up in different ways. Sometimes it looks like a child not wanting to let go of your hand at drop-off. Other times it might be more subtle, like trouble sleeping, irritability, or saying they don’t feel well every morning. Here are a few common reasons kids feel anxious about school:
They feel nervous about separating from their parents or caregivers
They’re worried about making mistakes or not doing well in class
Social situations feel overwhelming
They’re dealing with perfectionism, sensory sensitivities, or other internal stress
Sometimes we call it "school refusal," but it’s usually not about defiance. It’s about fear, and it’s very real.
When to Be Concerned
A little nervousness is totally normal. But if your child is regularly struggling to get out the door, experiencing physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches, or if their mood and energy seem off, it might be time to pay closer attention. Anxiety can affect their well-being and their ability to learn and thrive at school.
What You Can Do to Help
Here are some gentle ways to ease back-to-school anxiety and help your child feel more secure:
Talk about it. Let your child know it's okay to feel nervous. Naming the feeling helps take away some of its power. You might say something like, “It makes sense to feel a little worried about starting something new. I’m here with you.”
Ease into routines. Start adjusting wake-up times, bedtimes, and meals a week or two before school starts. Predictable rhythms help create a sense of safety.
Practice the first day. Take a dry run of the morning routine. Visit the school, walk the route, or spend some time on the playground. Familiarity helps build confidence.
Create a ritual. A special goodbye handshake, a heart drawn on their hand, or a little note in their lunch can help your child feel connected to you during the day.
Teach calming tools. Practice deep breaths, visualizations, or simple mantras like “I can handle this.” These strategies can be helpful for both kids and grownups.
Validate, then encourage. When your child says they’re scared, acknowledge their feelings. Then gently remind them they’ve done hard things before and can do this too.
Set up reconnection time. Plan for cozy time after school to help them refuel emotionally. Even 10 minutes of your full attention can make a big difference.
When to Consider Therapy
If your child’s anxiety is getting in the way of going to school, making friends, or enjoying daily life, therapy might be a helpful next step. In my practice, I use non-directive play therapy and child-centered approaches to help kids work through their fears in a way that feels natural and supportive. I also work with parents through regular check-ins or parenting support sessions, so you’re never left feeling stuck or unsure about what to do.
Sometimes, we include the whole family in sessions to strengthen communication and build a shared toolkit for support. Therapy is not about “fixing” your child, but about giving them a safe space to be seen, understood, and empowered.
You’re Not Alone
Back-to-school anxiety is more common than you might think, and you’re not doing anything wrong if your child is struggling with it. With warmth, patience, and the right support, your child can learn to feel safe and confident—even in the face of big feelings.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start, I’m here to help. You don’t have to navigate this alone.
References
Child Mind Institute. (n.d.). Classroom anxiety in children. https://childmind.org/article/classroom-anxiety-in-children/
Eaton, L. (2018, September 18). School refusal: When a child won’t go to school. Harvard Health Blog. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/school-refusal-when-a-child-wont-go-to-school-2018091814756
Cleveland Clinic. (n.d.). When to get help for school anxiety. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/when-to-get-help-for-school-anxiety
Yale Medicine. (n.d.). School anxiety. https://www.yalemedicine.org/clinical-keywords/school-anxiety
Johns Hopkins Medicine. (n.d.). Five tips to ease back-to-school anxiety. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/5-tips-to-ease-backtoschool-anxiety
