Banishing Bedtime Scaries

A Parent’s Guide to Nightmares

When your child wakes you up in the middle of the night, eyes wide and trembling, nightmares can shake both of you. While bad dreams are a normal part of growing up, frequent or intense nightmares can disrupt sleep, spark anxiety, and leave children (and parents) feeling unsettled. As a play therapist and child therapist in San Luis Obispo, I see how powerful compassionate support can be in helping children feel safe at bedtime again.

Why Nightmares Happen

Nightmares often stem from busy brains trying to process emotions, memories, or stress from the day. They commonly begin around preschool age as children develop vivid imaginations and may struggle to separate dream from reality. As kids get older, real-life concerns like school stress, peer challenges, or family changes can color their dreams.

Overtiredness, anxiety, scary stories, or changes in routine can all contribute to nightmares. In fact, the cycle of fear about going to sleep can keep nightmares coming back night after night, making bedtime feel more stressful than restful.

Gentle Ways to Help a Child After a Nightmare

• Offer comfort in the moment
  Be your child’s safe place. Speak in calm reassurance, use a soft tone, and offer a hug or favorite cuddly toy to soothe them back to sleep.

• Ground them in reality
  Help your child distinguish dream from real. Show them their room is safe, remind them of comforting facts, or let them turn on a gentle nightlight or flashlight.

• Build a calming bedtime routine
  A warm bath, quiet story, soft music, or deep breathing helps signal that it’s time to relax. Regular sleep routines reduce the likelihood of nightmares by helping your child feel secure and prepared for rest.

• Create a comforting sleep environment
  A stuffed animal, special blanket, or “monster spray” can provide reassurance and build a sense of safety. These small rituals can help ease fears and reinforce independence.

• Talk it through (but try not to dwell)
  If your child wants to share about their dream, listen without instinctively problem-solving or dramatising. Acknowledge their emotions, validate their fears, and gently shift the focus toward something peaceful or positive.

Is It Time for Play Therapy?

Most kids outgrow occasional nightmares, but persistent or intense nightmares that disrupt daytime mood, cause sleep anxiety, or reflect deeper emotional distress may benefit from extra support. Play therapy provides a gentle, expressive space for children to process fears, build emotional regulation, and learn coping through creative, nonverbal play. If your child struggles with ongoing sleep distress or behavioral changes tied to bedtime fears, exploring child therapy may be a helpful next step.

Conclusion

Nightmares can feel dramatic, but with the right combination of comfort, routine, and emotional support, many children can reclaim peaceful sleep. For families on the Central Coast, guidance from a play therapist or child therapist in San Luis Obispo can help empower both kids and caregivers to feel hopeful, and well-rested, again.

References

Hopkins Medicine. (2024, March). Recognizing and treating common sleep disorders in kids. Retrieved from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/articles/2024/03/recognizing-and-treating-common-sleep-disorders-in-kids

Raising Children Network. (n.d.). Bad dreams and nightmares in children. Retrieved from https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/sleep/nightmares-night-terrors-sleepwalking/nightmares

Sleep Foundation. (n.d.). Nightmares in children: Causes and help. Retrieved from https://www.sleepfoundation.org/nightmares/nightmares-in-children

Cleveland Clinic. (2022, December 14). Is your kid having nightmares? Who has them and how you can help. Retrieved from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/nightmares-in-children

Children’s Hospital Colorado. (n.d.). Nightmares. Retrieved from https://www.childrenscolorado.org/conditions-and-advice/conditions-and-symptoms/conditions/nightmares/

Calm. (2023, May 12). How to calm (and even prevent) your child’s nightmares. Retrieved from https://www.calm.com/blog/child-nightmares

NHS. (2022, April 21). Night terrors and nightmares. Retrieved from https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/night-terrors/

Parents. (2022, October 27). Nightmares in kids: 6 steps to stop scary dreams. Retrieved from https://www.parents.com/kids/sleep/issues/nightmares-6-steps-to-stop-scary-dreams/