“The Power of Showing Up”

Jun 30

On the Shelf: Parenting Reads I Recommend

By Daniel J Siegel, MD, and Tina Payne Bryson

I had heard a lot about both Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson before reading this particular book, and I must say, they did not disappoint. This is the fourth book they’ve co-written, and I’m glad it was the first of their work that I read. Much of the research presented has to do with an emerging field in psychology and neuroscience referred to as interpersonal neurobiology. Interpersonal neurobiology seeks to understand how our brains are shaped and wired as a result of early interpersonal experiences, especially the ones we have with our primary caregivers.

Siegel and Bryson provide a solid, research-backed foundation to explain the parenting strategies outlined in the book. They offer a deep dive into the mechanics of attachment and use concrete examples that help these concepts land. Perhaps even more importantly, they give parents a thoughtful way to reflect on how their own early experiences may shape how they show up as caregivers.

The core message of the book is simple but powerful: your presence matters. When a child knows their parent is reliably there for them, both physically and emotionally, it builds the scaffolding for a secure attachment. And from that secure attachment, a child learns to navigate the world with more resilience, emotional regulation, and a sense of worth.

The authors break this concept down into what they call the Four S’s: Safe, Seen, Soothed, and Secure.

Safe means both protecting your child from harm and making sure that you, as their caregiver, are not a source of fear. That doesn’t mean being perfect. It means committing to repair when things go wrong and fostering a home that feels emotionally and physically safe.

Seen is about more than just noticing your child’s behavior. It’s about tuning in to their inner world. This means being curious instead of reactive, and giving them space to show you who they are without judgment or rushing to fix. When a child feels seen, they feel understood, and supports them in developing a deeper understanding of themselves.

Soothed means being that calming presence when your child is overwhelmed. This doesn’t mean shielding them from all distress. It means helping them feel that they are not alone, and through co-regulation with the parent, teaching them how to calm themselves. Siegel and Bryson talk about helping your child build a calming toolkit and how your own presence, empathy, and calm can help them regulate. They also provide concrete tips about how to keep your cool, when your child is blowing their lid.

Secure is what naturally unfolds when the first three S’s are consistently in place. When a child feels safe, seen, and soothed over time, they start to internalize those experiences. They come to believe, “I’m worthy of care. I can trust others. I can handle hard things.” That sense of security becomes a blueprint for how they relate to themselves and others.

As a child therapist, I found the book incredibly aligned with what I see in my work. Kids don’t always talk about what’s going on directly. Rather, they speak through play, through behavior, through the ways they show up in their relationships. This book gives parents the tools to respond to those signals with warmth and presence, not just correction.

Whether you're parenting a toddler or a teenager, The Power of Showing Up offers a roadmap for building connection and resilience in your relationship with your child. It's not about getting it right all the time. It's about being willing to return, again and again, to that relationship. For you to keep showing up, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.