Friendship Drama in Girls

A Parent’s Guide to Helping Preteens

Friendships are an important part of growing up, especially in late childhood and the preteen years. For girls, these relationships can feel intense, joyful, and sometimes overwhelming. It is common for peer conflict to show up in this stage of development, and while it can be a normal part of learning how to navigate social life, it can also be confusing and painful for both kids and parents.

As a child therapist and play therapist in San Luis Obispo, I often hear from families who are concerned about friendship fallouts, peer group drama, and the stress that comes with shifting dynamics. These challenges are part of development, but kids need guidance and safe spaces to process what they are feeling.

Why Friendship Feels So Big at This Age

Preteens are learning how to balance belonging with individuality. Friendships provide validation and support, but they can also bring conflict when expectations are not met or when group dynamics shift. Girls in particular may experience situations like being left out, dealing with cliques, or feeling the pressure of social media in their relationships. These struggles can impact self-esteem, school performance, and even family dynamics when stress carries over at home.

The Role of Play Therapy

Play therapy creates a safe space for children to express their feelings and practice problem-solving through play. For preteen girls, this can mean working through the big emotions tied to friendship struggles in a way that feels natural and supportive. A play therapist can help children build skills like conflict resolution, communication, and self-confidence. Play therapy also provides parents with insight and strategies for supporting their child outside of sessions.

When to Seek Support

If your child is often upset about friendships, feels excluded, or struggles to manage the ups and downs of peer conflict, it may be time to consider play therapy. It is especially important to seek support if your child is withdrawing, showing signs of anxiety, or experiencing ongoing stress from peer relationships. Therapy can give them tools for resilience and help them feel less alone as they navigate this stage of life.

Final Thoughts

Friendship struggles in preteen girls are not a sign that something is “wrong” with your child. They are part of growing up and learning how to manage complex social dynamics. With the right support, your child can develop confidence and healthy ways of navigating peer challenges. If you are noticing these issues in your family, reaching out to a child therapist can make a meaningful difference.

References

Child Mind Institute. (n.d.). What parents should know about tweens. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/what-parents-should-know-about-tweens/

Kampakis, K. (2021, January). Helping your child resolve peer conflict. Retrieved from https://www.karikampakis.com/2021/01/helping-your-child-resolve-peer-conflict/

National Center for Biotechnology Information. (n.d.). Child development stages of middle childhood. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK216783/

New York Times. (2019, January 16). How to help tweens and teens manage social conflict. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/16/well/family/how-to-help-tweens-and-teens-manage-social-conflict.html

Raising Teenagers. (n.d.). When friendships go wrong for girls. Retrieved from https://www.raisingteenagers.com.au/when-friendships-go-wrong-for-girls/

The Wave Clinic. (2023). Social media and peer group fallouts in young girls. Retrieved from https://thewaveclinic.com/blog/social-media-and-peer-group-fallouts-in-young-girls/

Violence Prevention Initiative at CHOP. (n.d.). Helping children handle peer conflict. Retrieved from https://violence.chop.edu/sites/violence.chop.edu/files/documents/Parent%20Workshop_Helping%20Children%20Handle%20Peer%20Conflict.pdf